Your face is a jimmy john
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
