I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
