there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
