He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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