I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
