ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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