You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Panties = found
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