Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
