Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize