1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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