He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
