Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
