Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
