definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
