tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
