Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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