Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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