definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
