i just had sex bonerless
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
