can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
