She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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