I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
