my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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