Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize