I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
