i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
