He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
