and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
