As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
