mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
