HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize