my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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