You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
