They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
