Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
