I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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