She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
