I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
