her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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