tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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