grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
