Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
