You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
