Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
