It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
