i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
