Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
