My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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