Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When are your genitals available?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My vagina just clenched in fear
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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