there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
