Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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