Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
