i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
