I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
