I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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