And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
