It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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