she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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