Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
