My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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