you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
