I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
