I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize