he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
