I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
