I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
