she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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