Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
