To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
