i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
