I wanna bring you to show and tell
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
