R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ugly people sure do ruin things
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
