I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
