You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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