we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they're like a gay fantastic four
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
