Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
