The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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