brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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