I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
