I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
