Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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