Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
