i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
