honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
