i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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