So drunk its hurt
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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