It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
