So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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