What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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