gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
