I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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