so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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