I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
