If i come over, it means nothing
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
