like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
