so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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