and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
sex in a hospital.. check
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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