and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
